Self satisfaction

I don’t have as much sex as I used to.  I, for a long time, used to have a lot of terrible sex and fake orgasms.  It’s really just good business.  A lot of people have an ego about sex, where if they don’t get you off they act like they failed at something, and often they also get annoyed with you.  I was not great at masturbation, when I was a bit younger and still felt like sex was something to be ashamed of, I would masturbate and sometimes get off but always feel guilty about it.  I think that made it even harder for me to orgasm, that I could barely do it to myself and never allowed myself to actually explore myself and what felt good to me, because it all felt like something I should feel guilty about.  Finally, only a few years ago to be honest, I started training my mind to relax and worked very hard on getting rid of that part of myself that kept thinking sex was somehow a bad thing.  Once I allowed myself to connect with my body and gave myself the permission to feel pleasure, I actually learned how to feel that pleasure from my own hand, which translated into better sex.  I am still at a place where I will fake having fun for the sake of business and client ego, but I do expect more from people and I’m able to direct a lot better.

I think it’s important to teach people to find what they feel is pleasurable to them, and then they can take that and teach others HOW to have sex with them.  Everyone is different but if you are ignoring yourself, how can anyone else pay proper attention to your needs?  In my case it was pretty impossible.  Quality, not quantity.  Although both would be nice.